Not so close....
before reading this beware of the fact that it can harmful to your health:)

What will you do if you realize one day that the persons with whom you wanted to be close to more than anything else, have just wandered away from your life as if a big bang happened and everything which was slow close to you just flew into the black space. And the more you want to get closer, everything just seems to going away from you at an ever increasing pace. Soon they will be out of sight , and you will be hanging in this hollow black space alone. A solitude forever......

look at picture what does it say to you

The story goes on like this...a guy so close to a girl...yet not so close...the girl is also close but her eyes seem to be glued somwhere else towards a brighter space. The next moment when the boy realizes that a thin mirror seperates them, he tries everything to break that last barrier between them, but he doesnt know that its unbreakable. Seeing the boy trying to break something which she cant see, she gets afraid, and take a step back, then another step back, then another. The boys still trying gives up. On his knees, tears falling down his eyes as he sees the girl moving away. He wants to say something but she has gone too far to hear it.... the boy walks away but just keeping a little close hoping that she would return one day....just one word of advice to him, next time dont try to break the mirror because it can only be melt.

Two of a kind

Today sitting in the balcony of 9th floor apartment, i had a thought about two very ironic situations of solitude. The following statement summarizes my thought

you are alone but not lonely
or
you are lonely but not alone !

The thought of such situations puzzles me, might have happened with me a lot of time but never thought about it. A thought about a Thought is what this blog is.

Let me tell u a story about two entirely different people, one is a seven year old kid and the other a 19 year old good lookin girl. It was nearly 5 in the evening and time for working to go back home. The story starts with me boarding a bus. Actually i have been commuting a lot lately and the only thing i notice while travelling is lot of faces, lonely faces. Its was the first stop of the bus and most of the seats were empty. i entered the bus and sat down two rows from the back with a kid sitting next to me. He was just a kid and i was surprised to see such a small kid travelling alone in a bus as if his mom dad have abandoned him, whatever the reason of his travel i was sure of one thing it was damn important. His eyes said a lot. The kid had dirt all over him and he wore a torn trouser. he had a sack with him, not sure what was inside. His innocent yet confident and dirty face said to me, "i am a child labourer and i dont have a choice but to be one". At the young age of 7 8, i could call him a self made man who didnt get to live his childhood. As if in the body of child, due to the circumstances, his soul just skipped one phase of human life.

A sudden crispy voice of conductor, "toote nahin hain 6 rupay, baad mein le lena" just stopped me from whatever i was doing. The conductor was saying this to 3 females in there early 20's. One of the female caught my attention. She was dressed finely with all those jhumkas's , silver lining jute chappals, silver belt and a folded torn levis jeans. The word torn can be really confusing sometimes. A torn trouser and torn levis jeans can be the icon symbols of our country rich and poor divide. She was holding a book and a register and ofcourse a sleek moto in her hands. Fortunately, all three of us, me , boy and that girl all were going to disembark at the same stop. The girls were fighting about something, although i dont overhear others conversations but this time i couldnt resist. They had shreaky voices and there conversation sounded like cat fight. I guess they were talking about some lame issue that happened over at some stupid coaching centre. They were having a mid life crisis. Then suddenly the conversation stopped. No girl was looking at the other. And the girl who earlier caught my attention was staring with an emptiness in her eyes through the bus window at the dusky sun. At the present moment, all three of us were silent, even the eyes werent saying anything. We all desperately wanted to reach our destination, which was sadly not an hour but endlessly far away.

I guess the boy was alone but not lonely. He was alone in this whole world but that didnt made him weak, sad or empty. He had a hope and a vision. The girl on the other with all her friends seemed to be the case of lonely but not alone. She seemed utterly confused, stuck in the middle of transition of a life from teenage to adulthood. She was lost in translation. And then the third kind :), which i have not yet introduced, is me, who actually is able to see and think about both the cases. Who can actually think about such small,stupid yet important things in life. 

Mann...
Has it ever happened to you that a song lyrics perfectly identified the hidden conversation of ur solitude. It has happened to me a few days back. The way this song sums up what questions i have been asking myself, i guess no other song does.Have already listened to this song almost a million times, lyrics are just amazing. I guess the writer has written the lyrics straight from the heart. He and his heart speaking to each other and together they came up with this song. I think most of u also must have listened to this song, but listen to it again and think what does your heart say??.
enjoy the lyrics :)

MERE MAANYE BATA DE TU
KIS UUR CHALA HAI TU
KYA PAYA NAHI TU NE
KYA DHUND RAHA HAI TU
JO HAI AANKAHI JO HAI AANSUNI
WOH BAAT KYA HAI BATA ..MItWA
KAHE DHADKANE TUJHSE KYA ...MITWA
YEH KHUD SE THO NA TU CHUPA

JEEVAN DHAGAR MEIN PREM NAGAR MEIN
AAYA NAZAR MEIN JAB SE KOI HAI
TU SOCH THA HAI TU POOCH TA HAI
JISKI KAAMI THI KYA YEH WOHI HAI
HAAN YEH WOHI HAI HAAN YEH WOHI HAIIIII
TU AIK PYAASA AUR YEH NAADI HAI
KAHEY NAHI ISKO THO KHUL KE BATAYE

TERI NIGAHEIN PA GAYEE RAHEIN
PAR TU YEH SOCHEY JAON NA JAON
YEH ZINDAGI JO HAI NACHTI THO
KYUN BERIYOUN MEIN HAI TERE PAAON
PREET KI DHUN PAR NACH LE PAGAL
UUR THA aGHAR HAI UUR NE DE AANCHAL
KAHEY KOI APNE KO AISE TARSAYE

btw that's me in the pics, solitude in the heart of ganga. Dont know what my heart is saying :) still........post ur comments if u have a song that captures for solitude
 

Solitude........the state of being alone
My belief says solitude is the only practical state of being in this modern world. Each person for himself. Yet after all these year, reading other friends blog i have an urge to write my own. My blog is aimed at talking about people, lonely people. it can be about me also:). Just thinking about endless stories written on their faces. Faces say a lot more than words. My friends have often found me standing alone in the balcony of my old, infact very old, hall in IIT, thinking about something. Nobody have a slightest idea about what i think and what's inside me. I guess even i dont know. Sounds funny but people are like that. Dont know what they want, but still thinking about it all the time trying to find there own self. Let me start with a story of a boy who for atleast one moment knew exactly what he wanted.
The Kite
Today, on my way to home in an autorick, my mind was just wandering around seeing the cars honking and overtaking, until i saw a child in an open sapce behind the fence near the footpath. The weather was nice today, in a sense that it was a bit cloudy, breezy, and lots of people like that child had an opportunity to fly their kite. Fortunately, my auto had to stop just nearby, where i had to wait for a bus. The bus was nowhere to be seen for a few minutes and this gave me some time to observe that child. He was dressed shabbily, and most probably was from a nearby slum. He had muddy hair, and pale face. Must be in his teens, most probably 12 or something. He was holding a kite, bright red in colour with a yellow circle in the middle. This kite meant a lot to that kid. The concentration and eagerness on his face while he was tying a knot in the kite would have even put Leonardo to lower level while he himself was painting the MonaLisa. Their was nothing in his mind at that moment apart from that kite. Just the thought about this made me feel a bit jealous of him. Such moments are few in life of people who get sofisticated by pursuing higher studies especially engineering. Such people can never figure out their purpose in life. Get entangled in the web of this materialistic world so much, that they can never come out of it even when they see their purpose with naked eyes. Getting back to the kite, the child was already finished with knot and was ready to fly his kite into the endless blue sky. But sadly, the story was coming to an end each moment as my bus was approaching the bus stop. The bus was crowded, with all those sad, frustrated and perspiring faces who still havent found their kite which could colour up their gloomy black sky with though small but bright vibrant coloured patch. Even i looked like one of them. But standing in the bus, peeping through the bus window, seeing that smile on the child face who's kite by now was already soaring in the sky, i guess i found my solace. The bus was speeding away and so was the vision of the boy in my eyes.
I guess after coming home, just wanted to hear one song,
"Dil Dhoodhta hai phir wohi fursat ke raat din"